I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
