Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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