seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
