do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you didnt know i had herpes?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
