you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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