I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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