Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
