I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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