She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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