You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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