A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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