Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
