Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
