I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
