this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
