And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
