why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
