you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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