Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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