I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
