I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
