Pappa wants mamma naked
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
