High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
