I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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