Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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