I'm so fucking centered right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize