I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
