well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
