Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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