Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
