Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
