Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
