everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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