Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
