he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
