Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bring money and cleavage
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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