i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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