You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Randomize
