Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
