just come out here and I will go home with you...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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