I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just tell him i said nine months
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
