im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
