Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i drank out of a bidet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
