kristin has been a bad kristin
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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