as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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