Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
