It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize