Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
