I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
