I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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