when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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