can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize