So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
