two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
