we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
