I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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