Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize