You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
