What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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