i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I met the friendliest cop last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
