We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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