So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
