If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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